Perceptions

Back in 2003 I pulled out of the dealership lot with an almost new Saturn SL2. Standard shift, hunter green, complete with automatic windows and keyless entry. I was very proud to be behind the wheel: I had a specific idea of a Saturn driver in my mind, and so I tried my best to look good, to drive properly, and to project the image of what I thought a proper Saturn owner was. At times I would find myself being downright haughty about it. And god forbid I should see other Saturn drivers not living up to my ideal!

Of course, the parallel of the "Christian witness" was not lost on me. A Christian is supposed to fit a specific ideal: to look like a follower of Christ, to act like a follower of Christ, and to project the image of a proper Christian. And most certainly Christians can be very haughty about this, god forbid if they see other Christians not living up to that ideal!

The inherent problem with the "Christian witness" is that the Christian is forced to be "on" at all times. He is expected to be a living positive example of the Christian lifestyle -- a witness to non-Christians. This means he is constantly forcing a particular perception about himself to the general public, to his friends, his coworkers, even his church. The pressure can be overwhelming, and many Christians find it extremely difficult to exist in such a way. Thus behind closed doors they cast off the costume of Christ. And so the public is shocked when scandalous skeletons come pouring out of the closets of so many religious leaders.

Well, Christians aren't perfect, they're just forgiven.

Continuously forcing a false perception means that your life is never truly your own. You end up molding your existence around your belief system. In so doing, you are setting yourself up to potentially become a mindless automaton -- your life becomes your religion and abandons your humanity. 

I can't help but wonder what the world would be like if humanity would move past religion, if people would stop conforming to the often uncalled-for rules and regulations that their church and religion shackled upon them. Certainly much good has been done in the name of religious belief, but much evil has also been done. And anyways, the deeds come from the adherents, not the actual religion -- one can find many good things done by droves of agnostics and atheists; but those people (unlike their religious counterparts) don't feel compelled to do good in the "name" of atheism or agnosticism.

So what could be the possible outcome if religion becomes passé? Whole books have been devoted to this very concept. I personally think that humans would start getting along better with each other. We certainly would see a 100% reduction in ridiculous or trite or violent or even murderous disputes over which ancient book was right. In fact, there would be no holy books left to be used as justification for classism, slavery, misogyny, genocide, racism, hate, etc.

But that is ultimately a topic for a different post. This post is about perceptions, and I perceive that I have gotten sidetracked!

I know a number of comic book nerds. In fact, I am married to one. I used to secretly mock those who put their fantastical hopes into the salvation of comic book characters and other fictional heroes. I don't mean to say that they actually believe Awesome Woman or Arachnidman or The Crepe Crusader will save their souls, but I used to think about how they would waste their time on these fictional messiahs in fictional books, instead of spending that time learning about the "reality" of Christ and the Bible. After all, their eternal souls were wasting away in those glossy pages!

Now I look back and, embarrassed, laugh at myself. I was doing the same exact thing with Jesus and the bible. Oh the irony!

I was so judgmental then. I have been so fortunate to have had parentage which instilled a mentality of inquiry, fortunate to have had friends over the last six years who worked hard to help me understand that my point of view is not the only point of view, and fortunate to have read a plethora of books which forced me to deal with the growing issues and questions of religious belief.

My perceptions are constantly changing, perhaps more in the last three months than ever before. In all honesty it is still very difficult to understand and side with the things I used to rally so hard against: evolution, atheism, soullessness, etc.

Sometimes I find I've slipped back into the old and familiar comfort of religious thinking. It could be something as simple as a quick and silent prayer for something to go well, or as elaborate as being pulled into a friendly bible debate with a friend or coworker. I'll catch myself in mid sentence -- this is not who I am anymore! And then I stop and smile, remind myself that old habits die hard, and move on with my life.

Because I so clearly see that Christianity is not true (at least, not as it is presented today), I feel, for the first time in my life, like I have control over my destiny. I don't have the "guarantee" of god guiding my every footstep, blessing me, or just generally making everything work out for my benefit (it all seems so egotistical now). I am responsible for my own future, my own destiny -- and I have to be the one to reach out and grab it! It could be a scary prospect, but I choose to see it as exciting and invigorating.

At the very least, I've thrown out the co-dependent thinking that goes along with religion. And that is something.

Until next Monday,

Frank