You now know a few things that happened in my past, which started me down this path. Those things were necessary to tell in order to relate my tale. I would like to use this post to fill in the blank areas and finish telling my backstory.
Towards the beginning of February, I was invited to meet with a small group of local Christians; I was going to hear the testimony of a man's journey to Christ. I listened for over 2 hours as this man passionately told his sordid tale of being abused as a child and ending up a tormented drug-addicted vagrant by his mid-twenties. He was a very nice man, and it was a very inspiring tale. The time was well spent anyways, because I was looking for a group of fellow Christians to once again fellowship with and these folk seemed to fit the bill.
Before I left, he gave me a copy of his autobiography and I promised to read it -- which I did in the weeks following. In the book, however, I saw a very different man than I had met: when he wrote about the demons that would torment him and make him torture himself, all I could really see was a little boy who had been abused and suffered mental anguish for it -- turning to drugs and self-abuse to cope. And as I read, I slowly began to realize that his demons could just as easily have been delusions, most likely brought on by mental illness and rampant drug use. In fact, by all sense of logic and reasoning, that is precisely what was going on.
If this passionate man could be so passionately wrong about his encounter with the supernatural, could I be wrong about mine? Certainly not! I used to proudly proclaim that, no matter what happened, I would never abandon my faith in Christ! And yet the seed of doubt was planted and the Tree of Knowledge took firm root in the back of my mind. Looking back now, I can appreciate the irony that one man's conversion was the first real step in my deconversion.
By the end of February, the April Deboer / Jayne Rouse trial was in full swing. A judge was hearing their case regarding gay marriage and adoption in my home state of Michigan (ultimately our gay marriage ban was overturned and gay adoptive rights established, currently pending an appeals process which no one seriously expects to actually result in anything except for a gross misappropriation of taxpayer funds).
At the same time, fundamentalists in Arizona decided to try to push into law a bill which would allow any business to refuse service to anyone due to religious objection. It was, in all honesty, a thinly-veiled attempt by Christians to solidify laws to actively discriminate against anyone for practically anything (fortunately, reason and common sense overruled, and this medieval line of thinking was defeated).
It wasn't the fact that our country seems to be intent on making people fight for a basic human right that caused me to lose my faith. Neither did the opinions of a group of conservatives who have apparently spent too much time in the hot sun make me abandon Jesus. These things certainly contributed, but they were not the ultimate catalyst. It was those who call themselves Christian, posting their disturbing, ignorant, delusional, hateful, hurtful comments on social media during these events that pushed me over the edge.
Already over several years I had been distancing myself from the title "Christian" because I did not want to be associated with the evangelical movement going on in this country. That didn't mean I wasn't a Christian, I just preferred to call myself a "follower of Christ" instead. But after all these things going on I realized that I truly wanted nothing more to do with this country’s brand of Christianity.
"Out of the same mouth comes forth blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send out from the same opening fresh and bitter water?" James 3:10-11
The hypocrisy is so transparent now: Christianity preaches love out of one side of its mouth and hate out of the other. And so it was not Christ, but his Christians which drove me away.
Thus enters the serendipitous timing of Guy Harrison's book in my queue. Current events put me in the mindset to question my beliefs: What kind of god would allow his adherents to be -- excuse my language -- such ignorant and arrogant assholes? One person summarized the fundamentalist Christian attitude best with the statement: "Stop oppressing us by not letting us oppress you." Sadly oppression has been a constant theme throughout Christianity’s 2000-year tenure. It started almost immediately after the disciples were gone.
There are holes in Christianity -- holes in the bible left from time and worm. I see the holes now because people have taken the time to pull back the magnifying glass from the words of the scriptures to the pages they are written on. I owe Guy Harrison a debt of gratitude for being my first real encounter with logical, reasonable skeptical arguments. In fact, as soon as I finished "50 Popular Beliefs that People Think Are True" I got my hands on "50 Simple Questions for Every Christian."
Please don't misunderstand me -- it is not my intent to actively try to deconvert anyone. Beliefs are personal, tied to culture, and fundamentally important to many. But I am willing to have honest and open discourse with anyone who engages me and I will do my personal best to be truthful and logical. After all, my ultimate purpose is to offer the perspective of a Christian who has found his religion to be invalid and so is searching for new truth and new meaning.
You have two choices in this regard: try to reconvert me, try to argue, try to prove yourself right; or ask questions and let me try to help you understand. I can all but guarantee the former won’t happen, and I can all but guarantee the latter will. But really, it's up to you.
Until next Monday,
Frank
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