What follows is an letter that I sent today, to my former pastor (Marvin Walker) at Faith Apostolic Church of Troy.
Pastor Walker,
13 years ago, on the evening of June 6th, 2001, I sat in your office, along with my boyfriend Jeff, while you tried to introduce us to some form of Reparative Therapy. When we tried to ask questions as to the function and veracity of the "treatment" being offered, such questions were dismissed. When we tried to directly debate the issue, we were given an ultimatum: either follow through with your plans for us, or leave Faith Apostolic Church of Troy.
Since I have never been the type of person to just blindly accept what I'm being told (regardless if it is from, as Paul Giertz so haughtily phrased it that night, "the man of God") I left, with Jeff in tow. It was one of the most difficult decisions that I had made up to that point in my life. Compounding that pain was being told that God would sear our minds, and that our relationship would last only six months -- very hurtful things to say to two individuals who had placed their complete trust in someone that we wholeheartedly believed had our best interests in mind.
In the months following our departure from FACT, I researched Reparative Therapy. A lot. And what I found is that it does NOT work -- in fact, it has been known to cause psychological harm. Of course, I am grateful that I did not submit to your request; but I also have to question whose best interests you had in mind that night, ours or your own? Were you really trying to "save our souls" or were you just afraid that two gay individuals (with very strong walks in the faith) would shine light upon the hurtful lies about homosexuals that fundamentalist Christianity has been spewing over the pulpit for the past 40 years? Did you even bother to research Reparative Therapy's efficacy and potential side-effects first? And how many other members of FACT have you coerced into it during the past 13 years?
Ok, enough with the angry questions. I'm not seeking answers, excuses, or justifications.
To be honest, it does not matter to me whether you continue reading or condemn these words to the office shredder, as I certainly do not expect (nor care) to receive a response. This letter is but a simple quelling of my own vanity, a catharsis -- to try and move on, to forgive the hurts, and to perhaps offer but a glimpse of a perspective into how my life has progressed.
First, and foremost, Jeff and I did continue past six months. In fact, we were together for another 7 years. True, the last few years were not very good for either of us, but we far exceeded your prediction.
God never seared anyone's minds. In fact, we had a very successful burgeoning ministry for several years. Ultimately it died, as do most gay-affirming ministries: a casualty of the barbaric attitude that Christianity carries towards homosexuals. One cannot expect homosexuals to participate in a religion which is constantly preaching them into hell simply for who they are.
In February 2002, I wrote you a letter, citing my research into Reparative Therapy, calling you out for your actions, trying to plead my case. I did not have the courage at that time to send it, so I posted it to our ministry website as an open letter. I don't know if you ever knew about it or read it; I'll not reprint it here, as the writing style of my 24-year-old self is slightly embarrassing.
Later that year, on a mad impulse, I stopped in at FACT to ask you to allow us to return. I vividly recall part of that conversation, where you told us that you did not want the church knowing that we were homosexual because the parents would be afraid we would molest their children. Never mind that several families -- including Paul's -- were already aware of our homosexual orientation and had no issue with us being around their children.
You invited Jeff and I to attend church that evening, and promised to discuss the issue with us afterwards. Yet, after the service, we never heard from you again. In fact, during the past 13 years, I have never received so much as a phone call or email from any of the members of FACT. Above all else that transpired, that crushed my soul.
For the past 13 years, I refused to join another church for fear of again being treated as I was at FACT. To be told to leave because of who I am, because of something I have no control over, was just not something I wished to experience a second time.
In 2008, my relationship with Jeff came to an end. It was not pleasant; we both lost the gumption for our religious beliefs and unfortunately our religion was part of the foundation of our relationship.
That same year, I began another relationship with a man who I am proud to say I married. When Michigan temporarily dropped the gay marriage ban this past March, we were one of the first 100 couples in the state to legally wed.
And so I am finally happy; I have found peace with myself, with the small group of friends I maintain, and with my husband. Sadly, I did not find this peace from any religion. Religion seems to constantly promise peace but all I ever see across this old world is religion causing destruction.
Instead, my peace stems from my "deconversion" -- my abandonment of religious beliefs. Because I no longer subscribe to Christianity or its "morality" of condemnation-under-the-guise-of-love, I no longer feel like I have to wallow in anxiety and depression over who I am, over the state of the world, over whether or not I am meeting the requirements for conditional love set forth by some god.
I am ready to move on with my life, to let go of the hurt, to bring about forgiveness and healing. I cannot otherwise expect to be a productive man and have a successful life.
Pastor Walker, the situation was handled very poorly. It caused a lot of mental and spiritual anguish, yet I am not sorry it happened as my life would not be what it is today. I am agnostic, perhaps even atheist, so I cannot forgive because of some religious duty -- instead I will forgive because we are all human beings and deserving of just forgiveness, and that is good enough.
Thank you for the part you've played in my life, brief and tumultuous as it was. Though part of me is still indignant at how I was treated, at heart I truly only have pleasant wishes for you and your family. I hope that one day you will come to the place where you realize that, in the grand scheme of things, dress codes, hair length, beards, versions of bibles, and even sexual orientation do not make any difference; but it is the disposition of a man's mind and heart which are truly important.
If you made it this far, then I thank you for your time. I will also be posting this letter on my blog, http://www.deconvert.me, so that it may serve to help others going through the same process of leaving religion and superstition for reason and science.
Sincerely,
Frank K. Clark
June 2nd, 2014
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